May 21, 2013

Weird Things Customers Say in Bookstores

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Having never worked in retail and hearing the stories friends & family members come home with, I have contemplated taking a part-time job in retail sales merely for stories of my own.  Jen Campbell's Weird Things Customers Say in Bookstores is a perfect example of why that thought has crossed my mind. In Weird Things Customers Say in Bookstores, Campbell recounts some of the strangest … [Read more...]

Scared Sh*tless: 1,003 Facts That Will Scare the Sh*t Out of You

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Scared Sh*tless: 1,003 Facts That Will Scare the Sh*t Out of You by Cary McNeal is a mixed bag of tidbits that, while some are interesting, don't do what the title says. As I was reading Scared Sh*tless, my thoughts were that the book is a little awkward.  On one hand you have a compendium of items that might come in handy while watching Jeopardy! one evening.  On the other hand McNeal adds … [Read more...]

There Once Was I Time I Was Asked About Baby Toys….

Yes, the above title is true. It happened once. It was a far off time, as in three Thursdays ago, when I was sitting with a whiney baby-- somehow most of my stories are starting off this way!-- and my high school bestie, and my husband. None of the people in this story are relevant except for obviously me, and of course as always my whiney baby boy. I was reading my email that came up on my … [Read more...]

The Dating Idiot: (Kiss, Shake Hands, or Headbutt)

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This week’s letter comes from Mark in Beech Grove: Dear Dating Idiot: I’m never quite sure how to end a first date. Should I always try for the kiss or should I settle on a hug? Dear Mark, This is an excellent question and one that many of your fellow readers want to know. There are basically 4 ways you can end the date: kiss, hug, shake hands, head butt. … [Read more...]

The Dating Idiot (I Just Want To Be Friends)

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This week's Dating Idiot letter comes from Alan in Irvington: Dear Dating Idiot, My girlfriend dumped me over the weekend and she said she still wants to be friends. Does she really want to be friends or is she just trying to let me down easy? Alan: When a girl says she want to be friends, what she really means is she that even though she just eviscerated your heart, she doesn't want you to … [Read more...]

The Dating Idiot (Couch Forts and Weddings)

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We here at Godzilla's Citizen Hideout (the Official Home of Carry On, Citizens!) are always looking for ways we can serve the greater good and help our fellow man (and our fellow woman). During today's staff meeting, my pet moose suggested that I write a dating advice column. Now, I don't know what's more preposterous: that he suggested I write a dating column or that you've read COC all these … [Read more...]

The Divorce Registry- An Idea Whose Time Has Come

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I was in a department store today with a couple of friends. I've always sort of viewed the department store as a flyover venue, sort of like New Yorkers view the Midwest. For me, it was that place you walked through on your way to the other place —the place with the electronics, or the gadgets, or the food court. Anyway, there were three of us on this journey, one being female. The female in our … [Read more...]

Deep Fried Citizens!

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If you like your events dipped in batter and fried to a golden brown, the State Fair is almost here! The event's organizers are calling this the Year of Soybeans. I wonder if they will try to deep fry them. Let's face it, that wouldn't be the most ridiculous deep fried thing sold there. We had the deep fried Oreos, the deep fried Pepsi (I still can't figure that one out), and deep fried … [Read more...]

Stay Classy, Connersville!

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Connersville, Indiana made national news this week. And not for a good reason either. It seems they have their own version of water polo and it's illegal. According to a WISH-TV report, a couple was charged for public indecency for having sex in a public pool. During the day. With LOTS of people around! Now, I have so many questions I don't know where to begin. But begin I will, because this is … [Read more...]

You Can’t Beat A Dead Horse…

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... but you can shoot a dead Camaro. Well, except in Arizona, where they frown on that sort of thing. It seems that Lauriano Lawrence Lovato, frustrated by the alliteration of his name and the fact that his car wouldn't start, shot his car. Twice. Both shots went through the windshield and hit the dashboard. … [Read more...]