Humor

Yes, the above title is true. It happened once.

It was a far off time, as in three Thursdays ago, when I was sitting with a whiney baby– somehow most of my stories are starting off this way!– and my high school bestie, and my husband. None of the people in this story are relevant except for obviously me, and of course as always my whiney baby boy.

I was reading my email that came up on my phone ever so rudely, and was taken aback by the subject line.

It was from Circle of Mom’s and they were asking little old me what I thought a baby needed for a present under $30 dollars! ME?! Can you believe it?! [here’s the link PS.] okay well me and like half a bunch of other bloggers who were apart of the Top 25 Baby Bloggers…. When I got the coveted spot of 41 before I even had a baby to blog about?? OHHH memories.

Anyways, back to my story. I was asked what I thought a good present was. And at the time I thought this was a crazy idea of a question to ask me. ME? I mean, I just now thought of the idea to GIVE my son toys, let alone actually investigating further into the whole “lets brainstorm about whats a good idea to give the baby, and oh yeah there’s a thirty dollar limit to the awesome-ness!”

Well, even though then I had NO IDEA what I was going to say then, I decided that NOW I DO KNOW NOW!!

The Top 10 Things Jaxon Will Want For Christmas Under $30.

10. Blankets.– I cannot keep them away from this kid. Either he’s under them for warmth, or he’s being an even cooler cool kid and eating them. And when you think he’s done soaking them with his spit, because he’s thrown it, or kicked it off of him, think again. Because the second you forget about that sour milk smelling fabric is when he’ll grab it from behind his head magically and put it in his mouth yet again like it’s the first time he’s ever ever seen the thing.

9. Mommy hands– He loves these things! They’re only second best to Daddy hands, and the reason Mommy hands are cooler are because they come with shiney rings, and are allowed to go into the mouth [because for some reason my husband thinks it gross to have baby mouth hands? psh weirdo]

8. Pacifiers– If you think these things are only for sucking on when your a little bit sleepy or sick, then you’ve never seen my boy play with his for at least 10 min at a time. He thinks it’s hilarious to rip it out of his mouth, fumble around with trying to get it back into his mouth, trying to steal it from your hands, or just spit it out and watch who’s ever holding him try to pick it up without it hitting the floor….told you… comedic genius!

7. Books– This may actually be the first real toy, but no it’s not for reading. You may try, and you may even succeed. But really, he just wants to put it in his mouth, even if he has to almost give himself a paper cut in between his eyes and bridge of his nose to do so. He doesn’t care, he does what he wants.

6. Onesies– Now I may be a weirdo, but I don’t like changing my baby in and out of 900 pairs of pants all day long. So every once in a while I put the outfit I’m attempting to put on the baby, physically on him, and this results in the cutest game of tug of war ever. He grabs it like it’s his long lost teddy bear, and holds on till I beg him to let go, and usually he’ll only ease up his grip if he’s found my hair…which leads to…

5. Mommy hair– This also is one of those second only to Daddy beard, but again, Mommy hair is more fun because it’s sometimes removable.
4.Anything that plays music– This includes but is not limited to cell phones, people singing, radios, the TV commercials I get stuck in my head daily, the two pull toys he has that play instrumental lullabies, greeting cards that make noises, our washing machine when it’s done washing clothes… you know this really could go on for ever….

3.Accessories– This one is probably the worst. I’m an accessories girl, and even though this phase hasn’t hit home full swing yet, my nieces were ALL ABOUT the nose ring pulling. And the ear ring grabbing, and the necklace choking, and the tattoo pointing. That last one is the cutest, but still is sort of lame when your trying to do something and you have baby hands all over your arms and fingers and your task is instantly harder….. And being that my son will be on top of me ALL the time as apposed to my nieces whom I saw once a week, I’m sure this will be oodles of fun for all.

2. Tongues– This one is really cute. We have hit the age of “look at my tongue mom!!” where everything we do no matter what or when or where is met with a mini Gene Simmons impression by my little guy. He’s totally into it, and then with that of course is spitting at me and laughing because I’m cracking up at him… such a ham.

1. Baby Hands– They should put a patent on this one for the less than 5month crowd. Because if your baby is/was anything like mine, the MOMENT he found his hands, it was all up in the mouth, all the time. I cannot tell you how many pictures I have of this kid with his hands being spitty and cold and all up in his grill. It’s like he’s either eating, pooping, giggling or having his hands in his mouth. And lately, he’s figured out how to talk with his hands in his mouth. I mean clearly he’s not telling me how to end world hunger or his thoughts on Occupy Wall street, but he’s saying pretty clever things like “GEE!” and “ahhhhhhhba”…I mean, I think he’s a genius.

So there you have it, absolutely free/very cheap things to get an awesome less than 5 month old baby. I’m sure there’s cooler things out there, but so far, Jaxon D Dub hasn’t found it yet. =)

–Jacqueline D.